Sometimes I feel that my wheelchair is an unwanted shield against cupid’s flaming arrows. In this column I intend to shed light on frustrations faced by many with disabilities in the romantic realm.  As I mentioned in the last edition, sometimes I wish that I could wear a sign advertising the fact that despite my disability I experience the same thoughts, feelings and drives as anyone else

It is not that I wish to invite promiscuity or that I would accept just anyone as a partner, but I wish to de-escalate some of the drama surrounding romantic behaviour of those with disabilities.  I suppose that I should be thankful that I am hardly ever seen as just another piece of meat and rarely objectified by men who just want sex.  In our society it is socially unacceptable to take advantage of the disabled girl and I appreciate that every man who has expressed interest in me has done so in a genuine manner.  However despite its benefits, the extra importance placed on romantic relationships with the disabled also has its drawbacks.  Romantic offers are less frequent for most and every romantic endeavour is automatically under greater pressure to succeed because more aspects seem to be pre-calculated.  I mean that potential partners usually must come to terms with challenges and realize that those challenges are outweighed by similarities before expressing interest in a relationship with a disabled individual. The irony is that the people with disabilities are more likely to face more challenges as the relationship progresses in accounting for their physical limitations. 

Developing a relationship, where a person with a disability is involved, may be more complicated as certain stipulations, such as the need for attendant care, a lack of spontaneity or a simple inability to participate in various activities, may be presented.  Adapting may make the relationship slightly more difficult than most.  As such I believe the harsh reality is that a couple, where one or both parties have a disability, may be more prone to failure than other relationships. The end result therefore is either the deepest happiness or the deepest heartbreak. 

~ Chantal