When people mean well, but say the wrong thing

I once heard a wheelchair-using comedian speak on terminology. He said in the 1940's he was known as “crippled”; in the 1950's he was called “handicapped”; in the 1960's he was considered “confined to a wheelchair”; in the 1970's he was plain “disabled”; in the 1980's he was “a person with a disability”; and now he's considered “differently-abled.” In the punch line, he predicted that in 10-years he would be called “normal.” I don't remember what his name was, but his take on the ridiculous evolution of politically correct terminology really stuck with me.

The expectation that society will stay on the politically correct bandwagon is just as comical. I mean, I already find some of the newer terms to be more demeaning than the older ones. In particular, the term “differently-abled” makes me feel like an alien with super powers rather than a normal person with some gifts, talents and a few physical limitations.

So if the acceptance of various terms depends on personal viewpoints - how can we deal with the terms we find particularly offensive? There are a number of options that I'd like to discuss.

First, righteous indignance may be justifiable, because after all in some cases it's good to speak out. However, this approach may leave you looking bitter over someone else's honest mistake, and this can make the situation unduly awkward and embarrassing for everyone involved.

Another option is adopting derogatory terms into your plain speech. This may empower you in the same way that it seems to empower other social and racial groups. After all, the more that shocking terms are used in everyday conversation; the more they begin to lose significance right? The problem with this is that not everyone will realize your objective, and you risk offending those who think these terms contribute to mixed messages or those that just plain won't tolerate derogatory lingo.

My approach is to explain my point of view to the people I know well. In my experience there are few negative effects when you explain your personal opinions to the people closest to you. After all, they are the least likely to feel threatened or get the wrong impression by your intimate conversation. Through word of mouth they will likely share your point of view with others, and your message will spread.

Above all, if someone else's language bothers you, don't ignore it. However, when identifying and trying to solve the conflict, keep the speakers' intentions in mind as well as the context of your conversation. Always remember that people usually mean well – even when they say the wrong thing.

Keep on rolling in the city.

~ Chantal